FIX YOAP

The deck

All of them.

Every card the app can deal you, filterable by category. Reading the list here changes nothing about a round: you still don’t pick, the clock still starts the moment a card lands, and knowing a topic exists is a long way from being coherent about it in forty-five seconds.

Every card in the live deck. You still do not get to pick which one you are dealt.

  • Reorder the alphabet and justify it.

    Absurd
  • Bananas are overrated. Go.

    Absurd
  • Pitch the most boring film ever made, enthusiastically.

    Absurd
  • Give your cat a performance review.

    Absurd
  • Convince me cereal is a soup.

    Absurd
  • Convince a houseplant to try harder.

    Absurd
  • Describe the colour red to someone who has never seen.

    Absurd
  • Argue that dogs should pay taxes.

    Absurd
  • You are stuck in a lift with your ex. Fill the silence.

    Absurd
  • Argue for banning one emoji forever.

    Absurd
  • Teach a fish to ride a bicycle. Out loud.

    Absurd
  • Make the case for making gravity optional.

    Absurd
  • Your fridge is haunted. File the insurance claim out loud.

    Absurd
  • Is a hot dog a sandwich? Pick one, no fence-sitting.

    Absurd
  • Prosecute whoever lost the TV remote.

    Absurd
  • Deliver a eulogy for a microwave.

    Absurd
  • Rebrand Monday so people stop hating it.

    Absurd
  • Give a dramatic history of the napkin.

    Absurd
  • You are a pigeon. Apply for a CEO job.

    Absurd
  • Defend pineapple on pizza. No hedging.

    Absurd
  • Define "sandwich" so precisely nobody can argue.

    Absurd
  • Sell me a bottle of ordinary air.

    Absurd
  • Shoes indoors: prosecute or defend. Pick one.

    Absurd
  • Pitch your sock drawer to an investor.

    Absurd
  • You lobby for spoons. Attack forks.

    Absurd
  • Teach an alien how to queue politely.

    Absurd
  • Explain TikTok to a medieval peasant.

    Absurd
  • You time-travelled for lunch. Explain to your boss.

    Absurd
  • Testify in court on behalf of a toaster.

    Absurd
  • Found a religion around the wifi router.

    Absurd
  • Invent the least useful superpower and sell it.

    Absurd
  • Explain aura farming to your dad. He is not laughing.

    Chronically online
  • You have been called unc. Deliver your rebuttal.

    Chronically online
  • Someone shouted "chicken jockey" in the cinema. Testify.

    Chronically online
  • Defend your most recent crash out.

    Chronically online
  • Make the case that delulu is genuinely the solulu.

    Chronically online
  • Fanum tax: theft or tradition? Pick a side.

    Chronically online
  • Name the most goated inanimate object. Defend it.

    Chronically online
  • Invent an Italian brainrot creature. Give it a backstory.

    Chronically online
  • Give the lock-in speech to a friend who will not lock in.

    Chronically online
  • Sell mewing as a productivity system.

    Chronically online
  • Pitch an NPC livestream to a venture capitalist.

    Chronically online
  • Tell an obvious lie with total conviction. No cap.

    Chronically online
  • Write the tourism advert for Ohio. Make it sound normal.

    Chronically online
  • Argue rizz can be taught. Then demonstrate some.

    Chronically online
  • Explain what "6-7" means. No stalling.

    Chronically online
  • Defend Skibidi Toilet as real art. Straight face.

    Chronically online
  • What is your biggest weakness? No cliches.

    Serious
  • Describe a time you disagreed with someone senior.

    Serious
  • Explain what you do to a ten-year-old.

    Serious
  • Where do you want to be in five years?

    Serious
  • Talk about something that did not work out.

    Serious
  • Pitch yourself to a stranger in a lift.

    Serious
  • Tell me about yourself. You have 45 seconds.

    Serious
  • Why should we hire you?

    Serious
  • Half your feed is AI now. Defend it or bury it.

    Spicy
  • Rank the worst airport behaviours.

    Spicy
  • "Just be authentic" is the fakest advice online. Go.

    Spicy
  • Declare the objectively correct crisp flavour.

    Spicy
  • A phone beats a budget. Argue production value is over.

    Spicy
  • Every trend now is a rerun. Prove it, and name names.

    Spicy
  • One gorilla, a hundred men. Pick a side and commit.

    Spicy
  • Lay down the law on group chat etiquette.

    Spicy
  • Hot takes made everybody boring. Make the case.

    Spicy
  • Argue the internet peaked in 2016 and never recovered.

    Spicy
  • Open-plan offices: prosecute them.

    Spicy
  • Which famous city is overrated? Commit.

    Spicy
  • Name an overrated film and take the heat.

    Spicy
  • Defend caring far too much about someone you will never meet.

    Spicy
  • Phones at dinner: settle it.

    Spicy
  • Defend the person who hits Reply All.

    Spicy
  • Fix tipping culture in 45 seconds.

    Spicy
  • Defend a musician everyone loves to hate.

    Spicy
  • Give your worst World Cup opinion. No takebacks.

    Spicy
  • Give your worst food opinion and defend it.

    Spicy
  • Call out the worst trend of the last year.

    Spicy
  • Give your 14-year-old self one piece of advice.

    Wholesome
  • Describe a teacher who changed something for you.

    Wholesome
  • A smell that takes you straight back to childhood.

    Wholesome
  • Describe your comfort meal so I can taste it.

    Wholesome
  • Describe your favourite place without naming it.

    Wholesome
  • Walk me through your perfect Saturday.

    Wholesome
  • Something small you are quietly proud of.

    Wholesome
  • Tell me about a small kindness you still remember.

    Wholesome
  • Sell me a song you had on repeat.

    Wholesome
  • Thank someone who will never hear it.

    Wholesome

Missing one?

The deck keeps moving.

Cards get added, and the internet ones get retired once they stop landing, so this list is a snapshot rather than a final answer. If you have scrolled the whole deck and thought of one we should be adding, send it.

The good ones are a position somebody has to defend in forty-five seconds. “Talk about dogs” is not a card; “dogs are objectively worse flatmates than cats, go” is.

One card, one sentence. The deck likes a position you have to defend.